Not a Deja Vu.

And time changes, people changes, the view changes on the same place sometimes. Time does not stop so change in time is a non factor. People change, their attitude change and their behavior changes. Attitude and behavior change is sometime the direct result of position and value changes in people. Memories, the video and images of the past stuck to brain and circumstances putting you on the same spot and same place but it is not Deja Vu. Not even close. May be the person with memories and images is the one that has changed. It is funny how life moves on. You like it or not. One negative affect of all this change results in erasing those memories and images that you have been holding on to for so long. It feels like lost pieces in the puzzle. Sometime confusing and sometime sad. You know what piece was there but you don't have that anymore and your puzzle does not look complete. And you move on to the next moment, writing a new past. Good or bad, only when in the future you could judge.

A deep sea fish in an ocean of this world
Once sitting on the bank and watching the river flow
Dreaming to be out there one day alone
Now here I am away from home
Yet at home I believe
Learning to swim and finding new horizons
Each brand new day
I did not know that O' you life
Is so full of surprise
Should I leave or hold my breath
For you pushing me close to the edge
Behold thy enormous waves and tides
I know I will make it to the other side
Win or lose, how I would know
Keep doing what I am told
Behemoth the ocean it might be
My world is only what the sight see

Sometimes a wish comes true earlier than expected. It is important to wish at a right moment for right thing. What if your wish is granted and you are not ready. You would then not appreciate it the way you would have it had never happened for you. We ask for so many things in life not realizing that if we were to get everything we had asked for, what are we going to do then. Every single item that is so important to us in that list would lose its importance and we would forget to be thankful in a manner we should be otherwise.

Sometimes a fear that it could go wrong outweighs our chance of even trying.
And sometimes a fear of 'what if' keeps us away from doing something simple and satisfying but if we somehow overcome it and do it and nothing happens then we get mad ourselves for not doing that earlier. That is the gamble we face in our daily lives. For brave ones it is routine. For lucky one it is just another leaf waiting to turn green the moment the touch it. But for some others, even the smallest thing becomes larger than life. As we are presented with choice after choice. Should i wear this? Is this jacket going to be good enough for the cold outside. Is it even going to be cold. I checked the temperature and I guess I would be alright. Do i have something else to back it up. I should make sure I have a hat and gloves. Would I look good wearing all black. Choices, choices, choices.

After having kids i believe the greatest change in a person is that he is not adamant anymore. As if you got new glasses to see the same world but everything looks different. As they say it, objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Same is true for life after kids. You start believing that everything is possible. All odds exists. Decisions and choices are only decisions and not firm decisions. You live day to day. Life exists in present as you continue to face what life throws at you. Having too many plans and thinking too much only slows you down.

Sometimes what a person is doing is not his extreme. He could be worst and indeed he could be once. So whatever you can squeeze in is what the best you get out sometimes. All that evil is still not alright but he is trying.

Sometimes we do not open or try new avenues of happiness because we are so afraid of losing or coming out of our comfort zone. How would we know how far we could go and how much leash is given to us without trying.

I like hooded shirt. It makes me feel so warm and secure and focus. Its amazing how sometime blocking a view of your eyesight you are able to see so much that you have not seen before. Like a horse wearing blinkers. Sometime all a person need is 5 minutes calm and quiet moment and just not think about anything. Sit idle and look around you or just eagerly focus on something like a baby. Throw legs, lay down, sit, whatever, just think you are a young 15 year old boy who has no worries no responsibilities and you do not have to go anywhere. you do not need to look at time just see with blank mind and flow with the moments. Let your brain fly lightly like a feather flying in the air. You actually would remember thing, and people, and details that you never thought you even had. You look at the clock and boom you are running late. You have to go. Back to filling in your brain with more memories. Best time spent.

When i take a break for even five minutes to just think and slow down i could feel my heart is pumping as if I have just stopped after running a marathon. Even to slow down is not easy sometimes, the time the clock keeps pushing you faster.

You hide a truth and it will blow up on your face one day and might even kill you if you are not lucky. For what if it had been told earlier might have caused only a tiny time healing bump.

For what which as long as is not within reach remains a peach.

Life is cruel. Enjoy while you are healthy. Do not mix business with emotion and do not ever get emotionally attached to a business unless it is your own. A man without a goal is kicked around like a ball in either directions. Now i understand the importance of goal in soccer, without which you could go on forever and never wins.

Life 101

never do wrong and you would ever have to worry about getting caught.

When you are born in one country and spend 20 some years and then move on to live a practical life in a totally foreign country then several of your childhood dreams are scrambled and you are too busy in your life to build them together and achieve it an get contended. Instead the child inside you never be becomes happy inspire of all you have achieved in your career making adventure. The other day I saw three beautiful coles together in a flag outside a real estate office and first thing came to my mind was how beautiful a kite would look in these colors and then I start remembering how I always wants to have lots of money to buy big kites and good strings and be the guy with the best matchup in the neighborhood. And now here I am riding NJ railway line to downtown Philadelphia for work and here goes another sweet dream o my childhood back in my memory vault. And no matter what I buy or get this child inside me has yet another disappointment and that too sounds familiar.

The biggest losing trade a man can do is to move away from his mother. For career or for studies or for any reason. There is just no justification or reason that could make this trade worth it.

What is love....
How do I claim the feeling of love. Lets say if I say I love my mother but have not spoken to her in months. Have not givien her a single glass of water or medicine I don't know how her night and day goes by I don't know if she has slept well night before or not I have not spent an eid festival with her in lat ten years and so on and on and I still say I love her so what is love then. and how could it be love and what kind of love it is if it is love. Seither I don't love her although I claim I do or I don't know what is love.

There are lots of things that I do not know but there is nothing that I could not learn.

I just see things around me and get amazed. Pick a day and start observing things around you, all the things you did, all the things you used, all the things you saw, all the things you wanted to do but could not do, should not do, all the things other people around you did, looking at people, just random people around you at any time and imagining what they are thinking, you are driving on the road; pick any car and look at the person driving and think what he is thinking, where they are going, or just look up at the Sky, see a bird and how quickly its flying pass by, where it is going, why in such a hurry, everything is exciting to think about provided you are not sad otherwise everything looks the same or at least doest not look exciting. And, if you really want to be confused then imagine you are moving with the time because the clock is moving, sure enough, air is blowing, so things around you are moving, sun is moving, earth is moving, everything is moving, you feel it or not. So if you could feel it for even a moment, its a scary amusement ride.

It is an amazing coincidence that every time I put the car keys in my pocket and then have bags or other stuff in my hands and if I need the keys, I free up my one hand and reach out to the pocket to get the keys out and there you go, the keys are not in that pocket, it is always the other pocket. And then you shift all the stuff to your other hand and then reach out and get the keys. It happened not once or twice but so may times that even when i was trying to test this it happened. Could it be that our brain does not keep very instant small details handy for recall within few minutes. Because I am sure that if we stand there for few minutes and start remembering which pocket, which hand, which side, we could then guess correctly. Or this could just merely be bad luck. happening all the time.

Another year approaches in few days. This time its called turn of the decade as the new 2010s will start. The time moves so fast that you dont get a chance to even stop, think back what you did last year or years before and make plans for the new one. Just like a tidal wave with a new name 2010 it will hit many. Sometime it feels like you have seen this moment before, like last year, same time same feelings, maybe or may be not. Some days that appears special are also confusing. New Year is one of them.